As I was walking home in the frigid February wind, it suddenly dawned on me that I hadn’t yet heard from the Lower Manhattan Cultural Council about the two grants I applied for back in September. As I attempted to cover as much of my face as was possible, it occurred to me that if I were GETTING those grants I would have heard by now. (My company has gotten them before and those acceptance letters usually come in early to mid January.) I started to prepare for the rejection letters I was fairly certain I would receive (even if I half hoped I wouldn’t.)
Turns out I didn’t have long to wait. Both rejections were waiting in my inbox for me when got home.
I had a great deal to do for various other jobs, so I pushed the news aside and just got on with things – then periodically would notice that I felt really blue and had to cast around for why. Ah, the Rejections! That was it.
Fact is, these rejections were sucky, not just because they were rejections (that always sucks, of course) but because not getting these grants effectively kills a project that I’ve been fighting tooth and nail for for years. I have tried every avenue I can possibly think of to raise funds and while there are very small gains, it is mostly nothing but heartache. These grants were my last hope at getting this project, in which I already invested countless hours and dollars, really moving.
It’s like, I’ve laid the railroad tracks, built a train and trained the crew but there is no fuel to send the train to its destination. Those grants I didn’t get were my last hope for a coal shipment. And so I guess the train doesn’t go. There aren’t that many coal companies who ship to my kind of organization. Of course, I’m open to alternate fuels but it always takes a while for new tech to take hold. My train may be a museum by the time we’ve found another way to make it go.
Rejections are a little less painful with Patreon. . .
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