Filed under: American, pandemic | Tags: American, brave face, No complaints, pandemic, Positive Thinking, suckage, suckitude, this sucks, virus
Hey everyone – just in case you hadn’t noticed, this whole situation really sucks. I know this seems obvious and it is. But the fact that it’s obvious and that we’re all experiencing it, doesn’t make it suck any less. It sucks. Totally and completely. I just thought it might be important to acknowledge the suckitude.
I’ve been seeing (virtually, of course, not so much IRL because I don’t see much IRL) a lot of people working really hard to be okay, to make a positive out of this giant negative and I’m seeing a lot of folks really suffer because of it. I think the American strategy of thinking positive and putting on a brave face is starting to really crack at the seams. I was in a shop the other day and when I asked the cashier how he was doing, he said, very brightly, “I have no complaints!” I found it very jarring, frankly. No complaints? Really? None? I did not say so, though. I just sputtered something, matching his cheeriness, like, “No complaints? Wow. Well, that’s great!”
I cannot imagine having no complaints. But of course, just below the surface of this very cheery statement of no complaint was a WORLD of complaints. He didn’t share them with me (nor did I expect or want him to) but he then told me that complaints were for home. Here, at his place of work, he must always bring the positive attitude. He told me he could not share such complaints with other people. I asked, “What if someone has the same complaint? Then you could commiserate.” But he did not see the appeal of this strategy.
I think he may not be alone in that thinking. It is very American to try and Positive Think one’s way out of a bad situation. It seems to have pretty much been the only strategy for dealing with Covid 19 that was employed by the Trump Administration. Think Positive! (“It’s going to disappear. One day it’s like a miracle, it will disappear.”) It continues to be the strategy a lot of Americans employ. The “I won’t get sick. I’m strong! I don’t need to wear a mask! If I just believe it hard enough, I will be fine!”
But even for those who are taking precautions, who are wearing their masks, who are staying at home, who are maintaining social distance, there’s a whole lot of Staying Positive work happening. (“I’m getting so much time with my family! I made bread! I can learn a new language if I want!”) But it’s getting harder and harder to put a positive shine on this business. I think we may need to find some release valves for everyone.
For me – just acknowledging that it sucks is helpful. Every so often just saying it out loud or texting it to a friend or shouting it while doing an interpretative dance can really make a difference. It SUCKS, y’all! This SUCKS. It sucks to wear a mask. It sucks to not see our friends. It sucks to be stuck in a tiny ass apartment with not one single comfortable place to sit. It sucks to have no theatre. It sucks not to be able to go to the movies. It sucks not to go to restaurants. It sucks not go to concerts. It sucks, it sucks, it sucks. It sucks not to be able to browse around bookstores. It sucks not to recognize people on the street. It sucks to not know when this madness will actually end. It sucks not to be able to sit in cafés and stare out the window. It sucks not to have any use for the lipstick I found in my coat pocket from last winter and still somehow don’t have the heart to remove. It sucks to have every single meal at the same table sitting on the same stool. It sucks to not really know what day of the week it is because it doesn’t really matter. It sucks to not see our families. There are a multitude of ways that this sucks that are beyond just dealing with the realities of the virus.
I think a lot of the people who are resisting the restrictions, who refuse to wear masks or limit their contacts are largely not used to things sucking that they can’t put a positive spin on, so instead of acknowledging the suck, they just get angry and refuse to participate.
The American way has historically been that when things suck, we just forge ahead, pretend that everything is fine – that there isn’t racism anymore, for example, that we’ve solved inequity and everyone can just pull themselves up by their bootstraps, even if they don’t have any boots.
I don’t think this is working anymore. I don’t think we can Positive Think our way out of this. Everyone I know is struggling. We’re hanging in there but it is hard. It sucks. I can’t pretend otherwise. I have complaints and I feel better every time I can share them with someone. What’s that saying? A trouble shared is a trouble halved? I’m not sure it works quite as well as halving a trouble but it does help and if you need to tell someone how much all this sucks, please feel free to share all the suckitude here in the comments.
But what about gratitude? Shouldn’t we practice feeling grateful and lucky? I actually don’t think the two things are mutually exclusive. I feel extraordinarily fortunate to have survived. Honestly, I suspect anyone who stayed here in NYC in April feels a profound sense of gratitude for how lucky we are not to be among the dead or hospitalized. I am awash in my good fortune of remaining healthy and in my privilege at being able to protect myself and others by staying home. And it sucks. I’m lucky to be alive! And every day feels almost exactly the same and that sucks.
I suspect that my current willingness (and need) to express the suckage is partly because the worst part of this storm was almost a year ago for me. The storm is surging elsewhere these days so I do have the space and the air to feel something besides relief at my survival. Others in this country are not so lucky right now. That sucks. That sucks for everyone.
Things suck, in varying degrees, and we have to be able to say so. No matter how much more things suck for someone else, they can still suck for you. I’m not a psychologist but I’ve read enough about mental health to know that saying what’s actually happening tends to be a good idea. Pretending that something that sucks doesn’t suck is a surefire way to twist yourself up.
Partly, I think we’re not talking about how much this sucks because it’s so obvious. What is there to talk about? It sucks in the same relentless way, every day the same sort of suckage. People are connecting with one another less because they have so little to report. “What are you up to?” “Oh, you know, exactly what I was up to for the previous eleven months.” And we don’t want to complain, when so many people are sick or dying or managing their job Zooms and children’s Zooms simultaneously. The specifics of our complaints feel so pointless to share. But I think we at least need to acknowledge that it sucks. Or, as we do in our apartment, joke about how great everything is. We swing between saying, “Hey – you know what? This whole thing sucks!” and “Just in case you hadn’t noticed, everything is absolutely great and everyone is having a marvelous time.”
Things suck right now and while there are reasons to believe they will get better, they still suck for the moment and I think it’s important to say so. At least for me. For my buddy at the shop, he may need to insist on a world of no complaints and if it helps him get through this moment, then that is good. I am not here to take away anyone’s crutch if it’s helping them move forward. But for me, though, this all sucks and I gotta say so.
This post was brought to you by my patrons on Patreon.
They also bring you the podcast version of the blog.
It’s also called Songs for the Struggling Artist.
You can find the podcast on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.
Every podcast features a song at the end. Some of those songs are on Spotify, my website, ReverbNation, Deezer and iTunes
*
Help things suck less –
Become my patron on Patreon.
Click HERE to Check out my Patreon Page
*
If you liked the blog and would like to give a dollar (or more!) put it in the PayPal digital hat. https://www.paypal.me/strugglingartist
Or buy me a coffee on Kofi – ko-fi.com/emilyrainbowdavis
1 Comment so far
Leave a comment
Songs for the Struggling Artist 
True this!
Comment by Carol S. Lashof March 1, 2021 @ 1:26 pm